Entry 16

PRAYING, JUMPING AND FLYING FISH

My leg hurts like mad dogs on stray cats! To make matters worse, I’m grounded. Who would believe that? Since when do parents ground their children? In Nigeria!!
Nneka and mother are now two peas in a pod (I suspect it was Nneka that put ‘that’ idea into mothers head).
Mother says I’m accident prone, she warns that all she needs is for me to come home with just one more scratch and that’s it for my university education! She says she’d have me home schooled or if she’s feeling generous, make me do online slash distance learning [from my room at home!!]
Buh, it’s not like I dig up manholes for myself, cover them with leaves and branches then happily dance makossa on top o, it was a simple miscalculation of step, popularly called ‘an accident!’ caused by a gang of bible carrying-I-would-not-say bullies.
Since I stopped attending fellowship, they have refused to let me be! They keep sending ‘outreach’ units and visitation committee to come and talk to me. I tell them that their way of communing with G*d does not ‘shiver me timbers’ buh, would they hear?
I was heading home when I got a call from sister Blessing; she said herself and brother Emeka were coming to my place I hurriedly told her that I wasn’t home unfortunately for me, sister Taiwo saw me leaving the lecture theater and was coming behind. So, instead of boldly telling them to ‘back off or I’d shoot’ like any reasonable person would do, I decided to cut expenses, take the chickens alley and dodge both parties. The only obstacle blocking my escape was a tree and a gutter. I should have followed the path which everybody was taking o! but because of my fast guy approach, I took it upon myself to jump over the gutter and follow the longer route home and so I did. There was no way I would have known that the pile of grass I had initially intended to land on was actually a ditch covered with a rotten plank.
I remember using catwalk to jump over the gutter then screaming ‘ouch’ and ‘ewo!’ when lying on the floor in an awkward position, the world began to spin.
The crowing point of my whole ordeal is that when I found myself lying on the hospital bed with one leg hanging in the air, I looked at my cast and had to smile. Every inch was signed on by members of NAG fellowship. The same people that caused me to have the fracture.
Now that I am crippled and can’t run and hide, I get lots of visits from particular ‘caring’ friends [all the time!!]. Guess who?
- TABBY