Entry 33

MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS

I woke up with an eerie sense of foreboding to the dying sounds of the radio presenter’s voice. Although I did not hear what was said, I felt I had heard him say it a thousand times and more. Instinctively, I knew that knowing what the words were would ease the panic that threatened to choke me with fear and soothe my feeble nerves. But, what was it?
I decided to have my bath and go for lectures; I got a call from Faruk immediately I stepped out of the shower (Since my incidence with those useless-good-for-nothing armed robbers, he checks in on me every other hour. Buh! I shouldn’t have told him I was traumatized, he is acting like a nanny now!)
My day went by in a haze.
I kept on trying to recall that which I could not phantom, the feeling that something has happened before or something is going to happen, something that would shake the foundation of your existence if not prevented. Is that déjà vu?
In class, I laughed with my friends; I teased some of them, buh! I even got picked on by ‘Mr. Lecturer’ yet somehow, it felt as though I wasn’t there, I wasn’t present, an observer; how poetic.
Faruk thinks he is the cause of my withdrawn state, he also thinks the armed robbers are to blame. I tried convincing him otherwise but, he wouldn’t listen to reason.
Finally, so there would be peace; I told him that he was the cause. I lied that I was mad at him and needed some space.
He believed that [boys!]
I was depressed and feeling claustrophobic. I tired different legal means to get rid of the feeling (I got dolled up and left campus, I went to the shopping complex and strutted my stuff in front of eligible/capable looking [hopefully] bachelors, I even took myself out for chicken and chips with ice-cream) all to no avail.
Disappointed, I sighed in defeat.
On my way back to school, I passed a billboard advertising a radically different drink.
That cheered me up a bit, maybe it was because the guy on the poster reminded me a lot of one of Mother’s past boyfriends, maybe it was the shape of the bottle. Maybe it was just maybe. Whatever the case, for that moment, I enjoyed happiness.
It was when my phone rang and the caller ID read Dr. Dash that I felt my heart slam on the walls of my chest.
TROUBLE!
I remembered.
The words of the radio presenter that had failed my memory all day came in a rush. The words were clearly voiced, it was like he stood behind me, held me by my shoulders and whispered fiercely into my ears; “every woman is at the risk of breast cancer, examine yourself today.”

My heart rate quickened.

I am needed at home, Mother is ill.

- Tabby