Entry 26

WHEN FISH FLY

Like so, after all my years of begging, cajoling, blackmail and threats to put myself up for adoption to better and more caring parents with the answer being adamantly no, it finally took the intervention of mothers gentlemanly boyfriend captain Dash…

(- CAPTAIN DASH – an honest to G*d naval officer. I have never seen a man look so gorgeous in gray hair! If I were X years older and half as hot as mother, captain Dash would change to Captain Tabitha’s!! I'd brand him with my initials; T S T and like the proud owner of a pure breed, I'd show him off to all who care to look! I believe it should be against the law somewhere for a man to look that handsome! Before I get carried away on captain Dash and his criminally good looks, I’d stop and get back to me!)

… Like I was saying, it finally took the intervention of ‘her’ boyfriend to get her to budge.
To make matters worse, I was not even aware of her plans neither was C D (my pet name for captain Dash he is cute!! Mother filled an online form for herself and me then surprise-surprise on Easter Monday she was like “guess what Swahita, we are going to the United State embassy next week. I’ve booked an appointment for the both of us for Tuesday. If you are given a visa, we’d spend your next holiday at Vegas!! Wouldn’t that be fun?”

Buh, I was happy and gingered at the prospect of becoming a ‘been-to’ but, 5 days later, cooling my heels at the super cold US embassy while waiting for my number to be called up I began to think about the wisdom of my ways.

From what I could see, a blond chick [that looked no more than 18 give or take 23] calls you up, asks you personal questions, gets you to admit to your worst fears then kindly tells you that your request has been denied because ‘the fat cow jumped over the moon’ or in other words; “you don’t have sufficient emotional attachment”. I mean, what does that mean? How emotionally attached do have to get for a visa to the US? Should I go get a ‘hubby’ at the pet store because I want to spend 2 weeks of my life spending mine and mothers money on a card table in Vegas? Should I strive to work for Adenuga just to I’d be a respected citizen good enough for the blond with blue eyes?
Last I checked, we were advised to invest in what we loved; work with professions we were comfortable with not what we 'think' would impress others.

Come to think of it, Nigeria is my country. Warts and all, I love the bugger. What makes Minnie blue eyes think that ‘I’d shoot and sky?’ to think that they pay rent, that they are tenants in my country and still have the audacity to embarrass me because I dared to dream.
William Bell, Albert Einstein and (would you believe?) Mr. King jnr were all dreamers!

As I suspected and prayed to avoid, by the time it got to my turn, I was all nerve and bones. I got the blue eyed blond [I wish I got the red haired guy with gray eyes. He seemed much nicer and cuter too!] I was so nervous that my teeth were clattering while my fingers shook [or was it because of the air conditioning? Buh, the place was so cold, I can imagine “when hell freezes over!!] I stuttered when she asked me for my name and what I did for a living, I asked her to repeat the question, twice! (Mother was hovering about. from the look of things, am sure she assumed Mother was a pimp shipping me off to the US for G*d knows what function)
At the end of it all, I got a letter that said I didn’t have sufficient emotional attachment to allow them give me visa but however, it would be okay if I take some time off to take stock of my life and come back again for another shot. [In my words of course!] I was so sad.

This was the first time I looked forward to something so bad only to be told NO! Because my nose wasn’t the proper shape or whatever reason she could dream of. I cried until my throat was hoarse, I refused to talk to mother somehow, I blamed her!
It was captain Dash who whisked me off my feet dragging mother along, that brightened my day. He took us on a ship cruise! He is so cool! I wish him and mother would have a ‘more serious’ arrangement. I never bothered with his real name but I’m sure it would be something sexy and suave.

Talking about whisking mortals away, I spotted xxx and xxx at one ‘koro’ giving each other tongue paints.
Hum, small world!

- Tabby