Entry 30

QUE EST PANDORA?
Public service announcement: I formerly known and addressed as Tabitha blah-blah-blah now wish to be known and addressed as Aisha.
Reason?
Some no good men (two of them) sitting on overturned beer crates a few meters from the road bored as hell and seeking activity happened to spot me sitting pretty on an okada.
They decided they had hit jackpot and went ahead to ‘collect’
There was a slight traffic jam and it was drizzling, I had covered my head and shoulders with a black shawl to prevent it from getting wet and was minding my business until the two (possible drunken) men mistook me for an active northerner and took to calling me… Aisha.
At first, I did not realize I was the one they were referring to but at their persistence, curiosity got the better of me so, I stole a backward glance to see who the “Aisha” was.
As soon as I turned my busy-body-head, they tasted victory, their plan had worked.
They jumped up in jubilation and blew whistles at me. Clapping ecstatically, they begged me to forget my destination and come join them.
With a “no thanks” and much relief (the road had cleared enough for my ride to move) I wove them an apology and was on my way.
If only everything ended happily like that but its life, what can I say?
Just a few days before, on Sunday to be precise, I was served my most embarrassing moment in my life on a platter of ‘righteousness’.
Buh! Who would have believed that I Tabby [slash Aisha now] could be bounced form church? Me, moi, meh, buh, myself!!
The charge?
Found guilty of wearing trousers to church.
Even though there was a full dress on top of the said ‘trousers’ a crime was a crime, my dressing was inappropriate, the verdict? Banishment!! My accuser the usher led me out of church with a proud smirk on her face.
It is not that any part of my G*d designed luscious body was showing oh, no flashing thighs, no excess cleavage, and no low waist line, nothing of that sort.
They said I wore a trouser; the oxford dictionary calls them leggings and market women know them as tights.
Tights!!
Because I wore tights beneath a dress to prevent myself from showing too much ‘skin’ I was punished for my consideration and escorted from the premises.
Since when do peoples openness to the word of G*d vary based on the appearance of other individuals who have come to church to worship?
Are they telling me that, should I feel the urge and go ahead to call on my father while attending a lingerie exhibition, he wouldn’t answer my prayers?
I went to church to seek the face of G*d, I was feeling down, I needed G*d’s love and I felt like I was getting it.
Only for one overzealous woman slash church warden to take it upon herself to extract me from my blissful haven just because she decided I ‘would be’ a distraction.
Isn’t that devilish of her?
Come to think of it, possessed people eh, they are still children of G*d right? So it goes to say that said ‘people’ can stand for a while in his presence unaware of their status and still manifest right?
So, there is a huge possibility, a probability of 1 in 10 chances of her being a minion of Nneka.
I know what I’d do; I’d say a prayer for her.
Her plan was to escort me to the back of church and tell me to wait then later, return with more wardens to embarrass the light out of my day.
Lucky me, I hacked her format.
After begging G*d to forgive me for not being bold enough to confront her head on, I fled.
Buh, I wish I had stood my ground.
Ah well, there is always next Sunday (with an added bonus; Paul promised to go with me for service! Standing beside him in church, should that usher manifest, let me see how she’d have the mind to pull the same stunt twice!! )
- Tabby