Entry 34

NNEKA AND I

The story begins when a lump is involved or..., so they say.

Mother taught she had malaria.
Well, that was for just a little while. The next thing she noticed was “some form of rash” during the course of her treatment, once, it was proposed that she was having a parasite infection the doctors went ahead to douse her in antibiotics.

Now, armed with pamphlets and booklets on the subject matter, I am a full supporter of BSE otherwise known as breast self exam.
What do I know about it? The instructions are to do a BSE each month as well as a mammogram or clinical exam, BSE ideally is for all humans that sit to pee especially after hitting the age of 20 and counting. Done standing topless in front of a mirror, while lying down and even while in the shower!

Truthfully speaking, who really does that? Well, for the first 2 to 3 months, there is the ‘ginger’ and fanaticism but afterward, it slowly dies away, they loose interest. After all, the only places where people die of breast, ovarian or cancer of the cervix are movies with sad endings right? Wrong!

There is the tendency to be nonchalant about a particular cause until it hits close to home. Then, we’d start carrying placards, bills and that ‘do or die’ attitude.

The question is; why do we wait until it’s too late before we start preaching hell and brimstone? Why? I wonder.

Paul and Faruk [bless their hearts] are good guys with a-not-so-bad-likely-higher-percent-of-good intentions but like potted plants decorating the kitchen window, when I didn’t give either of them enough attention, love and nurture, they withered and died.
Once again, it’s back to being single.

Nneka came to the house to see mother, I was touched. Whatever bonds her and mother developed during those trying months, it is deeply embedded and keeping her by her side.
I am not complaining, for once I look forward to her visits. It feels good to have someone to hold, someone to share my fears and worries with.

Predisposing factors of cancer include age, genetics, family history, delayed childbirth, alcohol and smoking amongst others, I wonder which of them placed mother at a higher risk.

I am told that a sure way to prevent cancer is to do a regular BSE (If I were menopausal, I’ pick a day of the month to do it. If I am not [obviously] I should set a regular date for my BSE preferably a few days after my period ends “when hormone levels are relatively stable and breast are less tender”) and live a healthy life (with our rodent infested restaurants, deficient garbage disposal and [can I add?] bad roads. I wonder what a ‘practical’ definition of healthy would be).

For now, I am hopeful. I lost father before I was old enough to miss him terribly. I love mother, she is my guiding light, protector and driving force.
I am scared, so scared.
I am scared of what tomorrow might bring, scared of losing my mother, scared of being left alone in this rat race we ignorantly call ‘life’.
Nneka and i?
Miracles can happen.

- Tabby