Entry 8

ONE OF THOSE DAYS Not liking the way mother was sounding over the phone the night before, I decided to go home for the weekend. My suspicions were right, she was a mess! Physically and emotionally. It turned out that Dr. Dash had reverted to form and ‘dashed’ out of mother’s life (just when I had begun to like the guy!) she was wounded, sad and heartbroken I doubt she’d ever recover from this one. We spent the whole day eating cake and ice-cream; too bad I couldn’t offer her ‘pium-pium’ (a tasty meal made from periwinkles ‘still’ in their shells simmered in sauce. a not so popular delicacy in Rivers state) the sucking might have done her some good. Out of the blue, she jumped up from her seat and told me to pack a suite case; we were ‘going on a trip!’. Traveling with mother is a once in a ‘tinted’ blue moon occurrence so, without any query, I ran into my room and began to pack. It was after she gave me my flight ticket at the airport that I found out our destination was Abuja. Cool (maybe I’d run into Engineer Thomas) we didn’t get the same seat but when I started to talk to the ‘Christian’ looking brother beside me to see if he could switch seats with me and mother a quick glance in her direction said she was going to be alright. Standing out on the aisle waiting for her to slide to her seat was a gentleman that bore a slight resemblance to my late dad. I checked his fingers and nodded in approval; there was no ring on it and no slight coloration to prove he had recently taken off his wedding band. The dude was either unmarried or pretending not to be (either way, he was available). I told the Christian Brother not to worry and slid into my seat. Mother knew I loved window seats, be it bus, lorry, keke, train or trailer. Something about the changing scenery frightened and appealed to me. By the time we arrived, mother was all waves and smiles. She said the guy she sat with was a big-time-lawyer in some big shot company and would be joining us shortly at our hotel (I guess she has a thing for ‘professional’ guys bye-bye Dr. Dash, welcome Barrister Dash) Wow! Abuja looks so pretty, I could take a picture and tell Nneka I went abroad and she’d believe although I doubt I’d ever do anything like that, lying to Nneka does not seem like a good idea. Mother came out of her room looking dressed to kill; wearing snickers, a tank top and 3 quarter shorts, she looked super hot [did she tell barrister Dash she was my ma?] we ate lunch at the hotel restaurant; it wasn’t as nice as I expected it to be. When barrister Dash arrived, he was taken aback by her beauty (like I knew he would. score one for the single ladies!!). Mother said she wanted to go to the amusement park and I was like “oh h*ll no! There’s no way am going to a kiddy park” but mother whined and begged so, in less time than it takes to say “ACID RAIN? WHERE IS OUR PRESIDENT?!!” I found myself strapped in a seat and spinning in all directions but the right one. After I screamed like a banshee for what seemed like an eternity, I was let loose. trying but failing to walk without thinking the world was spinning I sat on a fancy caterpillar until got my orientation back, the next thing was that I became highly ‘gingered’ we went on almost all the rides Wonderland had to offer. The bumper cars were the shortest and the most expensive [trust some greedy Nigerians to take advantage of ignorant citizens], I cried when we got on the pirate ship and little sprinkles of water dotted my face at random. The ship or boat or whatever the contraption was-was so high! Deep down somewhere in my head, I was certain ‘ships’ were meant for the oceans or sea so, seated in the thing sailing high above the oh-so-reassuring earth with nothing but strings and wires suspending ‘IT’ in midair should be bad enough to make a grown lady cry and as for the one ride where we had to paddle while suspended some billion feet from the air? I reserve my comment. My fear was transformed to excitement and pure glee! At the end of the day, mother had to bind my hands and foot in order to get me out of the park. I felt like an 8 year old who just found out that it wasn’t cool to eat the teachers chalk, I sulked all the way home. Later in the night, Barrister Dash took us to some night club slash joint I had ‘nnkwobi’ and ‘ishe-ewu’ the first was quite nice but the whole goat eye bursting with a ‘pop’ in my mouth is something I wouldn’t dare to try again. Would you believe it? The same chicks [okay well, not the same] lining the streets of Lagos ‘after dark’ could still be seen strutting their stuff on the streets at the FEDERAL CAPITAL TERRITORY? Hello?!! Something pinched me to take a close look at them. I didn’t know I was holding my breath until I let it out slowly when I was certain my beloved Nneka wasn’t one of the girls. The happy ending is that for the duration of time, mother is happy and if mother is happy? Then I am happy. - Tabby