Entry 42

UNDECIDED

I could have sworn it was a mosquito making buzzing sounds in my ear until the buzz turned into a menacing voice forming the words “Nneka my dear, the queen of killers”. That’s when I realized I was dreaming.

In the dream, I searched for the owner of the voice because it was important for the voice to know that I was neither Nneka nor the Queen of killers for that matter. I began to panic when I found myself standing in the middle of a room with several doors; all closed. The voice was laughing, sending its echo from behind one of the shut doors, my pulse quickened, blood was pumping rapidly within my veins and I could taste fear. Frantically, I searched for the source of the voice opening one door after the other and shouting at the same time. “I am Tabby, I am no killer!!” the room began to get warm and I could see fire coming at me from a distance with the face of Anubis.
In one room was my baby sister Annabel, I couldn’t see but I could hear her laughing happily; she was getting a bath, strange.
The voice came again, closer this time “Queen of murderers, Nneka” followed by evil laughter. I shouted back to it. “I am Tabby! Its Nneka you want, I am Tabby!!”
I forgot about my sister and resumed flinging doors open my legs were clouded in smoke, I could smell roasting meat, I was on fire!

Would I say luckily for me or unluckily for me now but whatever the case, I felt a bug crawl into my nose and this wasn’t a dream!
I woke up with a start and reached for the tissue paper beside my bed but no matter how hard I blew, I couldn’t dislodge the bug.

Lying sideways on the floor red heart in hand was a teddy bear, present from Max; I flung my pillow at it and turned the other way.
Recalling how we begun our game of charades again this time, I got up from my bed, picked up the hated ball of cotton and stuffed it in the trash can.
That foolish text he sent to me weeks ago claiming to be a secret admirer! Buh he can be so sweet when he chooses to be but at the slightest sign of dawn, he slinks back into the shadows like a cursed creature (here’s an idea; I could take holy water from church sprinkle on him and watch what happens, buh, these days one can never be so certain).
This thing between me and Max has to be the solution for the best kept secret. No matter how much distance I put between the both of us or how many pins I stick into the voodoo doll I made of him, we keep having reruns and pointless drama.
Destiny or should I say fate is definitely a mad man so, his sick sense of humor doesn’t surprise me buh, I wonder who the joke would be on if I lay my hands on him, pin him down and shove 50 ripe mangoes up his /whoohaa/.

I can’t shake the eerie feeling that I woke up with, it is that foolish dream I had of being crowned heir apparent.
Do I have a subconscious desire to be herself (Nneka)? Or have I bought so much pirated movies enriching “Iyke d Don” so much that now he is sending me “wireless” packages?
Whatever the case, I am so not in the mood for such.
The year is coming to an end once more. Taking stock of my life and planning for the New Year takes premier priority as for Nneka and her lot? I can’t shout!

- Tabby